Roxanne Saved Me for a Few Weeks
I don't need my children to be grateful.
I’m finally home from the Netherlands. That’s where I been these two weeks. I been traveling home, and then the time change, so looks like I skipped a few days, but it was only one. I missed writing. Over the past 3 days I’ve been in Belgium, the Netherlands, Toronto, and Chicago. All over. This is all thanks to my friend, Roxanne. See, a few weeks ago, I was in a course to get my TEFL certification, which verifies someone as an international English teacher. There was one woman in my class who was more outspoken than the rest. She chain smoked on camera, she spoke out of turn, she was honest, and she was real. That’s Roxanne for you. A handful of some amazing and audacious traits. She taught me there is always a shameless place for my voice to exist.
Two weeks ago, a few days before our course was set to end, she texted our WhatsApp group chat to ask if anyone would be able to house sit for her for two weeks while she went on her honeymoon with her wife. Of course, I took up the offer within moments. As a Saggittarius, it is a piece of my character to travel and take on any opportunity that presents itself my way. This— of course—was no exception. Before I knew it, I was on the phone with Roxanne as her and her wife were purchasing my plane ticket over. After we got it sorted, she began to review my tasks as a guest in her house. The first and main rule was to enjoy. She mentioned how she set up her house in a way that is most conducive for relaxing and home productivity. In fact, one aspect of the country she felt she identified with was “Dutch efficiency.” Apparently, she learned that the Dutch value efficiency, not only in government as well as daily life. For example, the way they set up their homes, grocery stores, and other social systems. The way of life is built for the human and community— not the other way around.
I arrived and was delighted by my greeting. She not only paid for my taxi, she also bought me a refrigerator full of groceries and souvenirs at the town nearby. Her and her wife treated me to a three course meal in the town square with complimentary trips to the cheese and meat store nearby. (As well as the coffeeshops, haha!) She really made sure I was all set. After leaving me with any supplies I could think of, a perfectly furnished house, and enough space to grow for 2 weeks, I felt a push. An imaginary push from her to settle in and sleep. The day she left, due to my comfort and safety, I slept for almost 18 hours. I was jet-lagged, but I was also safe and secure, to no avail of my own. It was because of her love. I basked in it.
Soon, I noticed that she would call me every night. Sure— to check on her plants and her dogs, but always, really, to check on me! She cared about and prioritized my satisfaction in a way that I have yet to experience. Every day she would call and make sure I still had funds, food, and activities to do around. She would call every day and she would make a sound! So loud! Sounds like love’s securely around. I became hers. In a way I’ve never received, but I’ve felt something similar from my mothers. Never this extreme, though! Never just love from a place of interest and pure heart. Roxanne called every day to make sure I was good and she’d start at the start. I’d tell her if I needed a car, or if I had gone far in a car of some man or the other. I’d tell her how I never got this from my mother, but I accept it all the more. I think I may have even found out what I was doing that for.
Roxanne saved me for a few weeks. She took care, helped me prepare, loved, and all of that! Roxanne made sure I had no flack on my back. She made sure everything was OK. More than I’ve ever received from a caretaker anyway… She treated me like a daughter, but more than that! She treated me as a friend, neighbor, someone who adds to the glad! She treated me like family! Like I was a part! She treated me kindly and opened her heart. Her and her wife saw this favor as a blessing. They will never realize the generational curses I am stressing. They will never realize how much I needed this, how much my future lineage will have to do to see the world they’re supposed to. She’s helping me break them. Thanks Roxanne, for holding me together like glue! For showing me that you can be you without anyone having to be grateful with something to prove. She never expected a ‘thank you.’ Though, many were given, but she never expected it— which made me livid.
Growing up, those who served me needed to thanked, praised, worshipped, even. I don’t know, but I always remember not being thankful enough. Not being ungrateful enough. “Ungrateful, spoiled as brat,” was what I thought of my gratitude. I was told so often I was ungrateful, that I became ungrateful. I became a child who didn’t want to say thank you, because it was never recognized or appreciated, only how much I wasn’t doing. I never want my children to thank me, I just want them to enjoy. Of course I will suggest a grateful exchange, but first I’d let them enjoy their toys. Just kids after all! On myself can I call? Can I be this mother I expect to be? Or— will I yell at my baby before birthday #3? I may disappoint, I don’t know. But, with this experience, I want to grow. I don’t want my kids to be grateful, happy is the priority. I want my kids to be joyous. Of other mothers— is this a priority?
Roxanne makes things different. She makes me want to say “Thank you!” and to listen to advice because I like how things ended up in her life! She makes me want to actually give what I think is earned. She makes me want to sit and learn and grow and prosper. An inspiration, but something more. Someone who can help me figure out what I’m doing this for. She changed my life— in just two weeks! I wonder what I can do with what else is in me. I wonder what else I can do if I’m given everything. (When I went to the Netherlands, I think I found a wedding ring…)
All’s to say, in the past few weeks, a lot of things changed. I am grateful for that fact. & No matter where I go, I know Roxanne has got my back.
Poem of the week June 23, 2025 Finally back In North America I’m scared yknow I think you know of what I don’t want to talk about it So I’ll just express my love I’m glad you called me up I’m glad I could come You always call me up Like I’m #1 You prioritize my happiness And anyone you love To know you is to love you! You’re a gift sent from above I thank you and thank you Then thank you some more I have found out what all I’m doing this for!
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